Do NOT skip the author’s note, unless you are an idiot. If you ARE an idiot, go ahead and skip it. Sadly, some people probably didn’t even read this much, because they are complete idiots...

A/N: ...This is NOT meant to be taken seriously! As some of you know, this isn’t the first thing I’ve written like this... I also wrote the original “Right Back at Ya!” that was a parody of bad het, “Right Back at Ya Again!” which was a parody of bad crack and bad general fanfiction, along with other fics following a similar parody-style such as “Jin vs. the Joint” that parodied bashing the characters for being things like ‘drunks’ and ‘potheads’ in bad crackfics, or “A.D.I.D.A.S.” that generally made fun of the way Lei was portrayed in the T3 manga.

So, in this addition to the parody series I started years ago, I have now decided to parody bad Tekken yaoi thanks to a final push from a certain ‘Fuckhead’ that two of you agree with me about...

This is also dedicated to my pal Carol and the chat we had the other night.

And as stated in the previous installments to this god-awful series, you didn’t read this...

Disclaimer: Nope, don’t own any of um’.

Right Back at Ya Yaoi Style!
Part One

***

Conversation #1...

Jin Kazama and Hwoarang were in a room together, sitting on a navy blue couch.

Jin and Hwoarang looked act each other.

“...Don’t even think about it, Kazama,” Hwoarang warned, his brow quirked, “I’m seme.”

Jin returned Hwoarang’s expression. “No, I’m seme.”

Hwoarang’s teeth gritted. “I’M seme!”

Jin’s fists clenched. “No, I’M seme!”

“I AM!”

“I AM!”

Hwoarang sighed, rubbing his temples. “This really isn’t going anywhere so far, and it’s annoying, so let’s argue about this without arguing.”

Jin shifted his eyes right, then left. “...Alright.”

“Now,” began Hwoarang, who was attempting to sound all logical, “I should be seme because I am seme.”

Jin appeared confused momentarily, pondering the issue, until...

“...Hey, that didn’t make any sense! I should be seme because I am seme!”

“I’m seme!”

“No, I’m seme!”

*****

Lei Wulong was nailed to a cross. He was definitely suffering for his sins, there just wasn’t really much of a purpose behind it, except to Bryan Fury.

Bryan went over to the kink wall of his brutal torture chamber, eyeing the large collection of S&M supplies.

Laughing with maleficence, Bryan took of a hold of his ball-point, leather whip that separated into three strands at the end. Then, he walked over to Lei, and began whipping the drunken cop’s tortured form.

Lei looked excited. “No! Stop! I, um... I don’t want it! I really really really don’t!”

Bryan quickly became annoyed, so he pulled out a knife, and with it, stabbed Lei in the side.

“Hell yes!” Lei squealed with joy.

Bryan frowned. “Are you fucking crazy?”

Lei nodded. “Fucking crazy about getting tortured, that’s for sure!”

Bryan placed a ball-gag in Lei’s mouth, since everything that came out of it was so damned annoying. The American fastened the strap after Lei had leaned his head forwards, before he then went back to torturing Lei. Or, at least, attempting to.

Time went by, however, and Bryan got bored once he realized he could not torture Lei without Lei enjoying it, so, he ripped Lei off of the cross and tore him into tiny pieces; splattering Lei’s blood and organs and bones and guts all over the dungeon.

“More, more!” Lei’s decapitated head begged with inner glee.

Bryan wanted to die again.

*****

Jin, Hwoarang, Rick, Ying, Romit, and Deenga were hanging-out at some bar.

Rick was, uh, one of Hwoarang’s friends or something, along with Deenga, but Romit was one of, um, Jin’s friends, while Ying was friends with almost everyone and worked at the bar part-time... or something.

Then Cho-Cho walked into the bar, and waved. He was one of Jin’s... employees...? You... really couldn’t tell who most of these random OC’s were, actually...

“Did you hear about Sheesha, Deenga?” Romit asked, looking at Deenga. Deenga shook his head to signal a ‘no’.

“What about Seesha?” asked Hwoarang, who then took another hit from his lit cigarette.

“She’s been sleeping with Marimozi,” Romit informed.

Hwoarang remembered Marimozi. That was one of his past loves from Korea... Jin had been wondering about Marimozi, just like Hwoarang had been wondering if Jin had been having an affair with Jaggichichu, who had attended Mishima High with Jin.

Suddenly, a stranger who had been observing walked over from the pool-table, and touched a hand to Hwoarang’s shoulder. “Well well well, long time no see, Hwoarang... would you like to feel the good cool? I can refresh you...”

Uh, uh, another past OC affair... or something...

Rick quirked a brow. That was Koolaid Man. Rick was one of Hwoarang’s only friends who knew about Koolaid’s dark past with Hwoarang in South Korea, but he had sworn not to tell anyone about it. Jin eyed Koolaid with a disapproving expression nevertheless.

The bar became filled with a disconcerting tension.

Koolaid was approximately six feet tall, had red hair like Hwoarang’s that was shorter, and he was, uh, yeah, Korean or something. He also wore big, dark shades. This was probably the character based on the author’s favourite character from another series, but hell, no one would ever guess who it was.

Ying, who was off duty, saw the way Jin was looking at Hwoarang, though he had kind of figured that they were sleeping together... since this character was slightly more developed, pretty hot, strangely intelligent, and seemed to know more than anyone about what was going on in the fic, this character was probably the OC the author had based on themselves or who they wanted to be. The fact that Ying had something ‘going on’ with Hwoarang as well only made this all the more likely...

Ying looked at Hwoarang. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Hwoarang nodded, somewhat relieved when Koolaid allowed him to rise from the stool. Ying pulled Hwoarang aside, and they walked around the bar so the others would be unable to hear their upcoming conversation. Jin was still eyeing them both with perceptible suspicion, however...

“Look, I know you’re in a relationship with Jin...” Ying stated, before Hwoarang quickly forced a baffled and disgusted expression of denial. “And I know about you and Koolaid, man. Dono Man is dangerous... OC man characters can be dangerous in yaoi, and Man is a good example. You need to stay away from that guy before you get yourself into trouble like you did last time. He’s bad news, and I’ve heard he’s in town now to meet-up with... with... Chakilitizabo...”

Hwoarang gasped. That name... it had been so long.

“Chakilitizabo’s alive...?” Hwoarang inquired, before Ying fed him the information.

“Yes, from what I’ve heard from Ryushimigi...” Ying sighed, looking into Hwoarang’s puzzled eyes, “Apparently that accident he died in last month was staged...”

Back at the table, Deenga and Romit continued to chat among each other, though Romit was starting to get somewhat intoxicated.

“Hello... Jin, is it?” inquired Koolaid Man, who was looking down at Jin with an evil smile.

Jin smirked. “It’s Dono Kazama to you, actually, but... Alright... what in the FUCK is going on in this fic, because, hell, NO one can tell! And as for these names... again, just... wtf?”

Looks like Fuckhead had written another fic.

*****

Paul and Forest were in Marshall Law’s dojo, and when Marshall left the dojo...

...it was time for Paul to enter Forest!

“You know, you’re my best friend, Paul!” Forest said with glee, hugging his teddy-bear. Then, he began rolling in his large collection of pink, fluffy stuffed animals, Barbie Dolls and micromachines.

“Uh, yeah...” Paul said, staring at young Law’s young ass. Strangely... despite Forest being an adult, he was always written kinda like he was a little kid in many Paulest fics, or in fics in general... It seemed like a lot of people saw Forest Law this way, for some reason...

Forest sat down on the floor where there was a small table, totally breaking Paul’s concentration. Law pet one of his teddy bears on the head, and then began to have some green tea. Only he was... talking to himself or something?

“...What are you doing?” Paul inquired, sounding just as confused as he authentically was.

“I’m having a tea party, silly!” Forest chuckled, “Mickey, Donald, Goofy, say hi to my bestest-friend Paul!”

Paul appeared even more fucking confused.

“Oh really?” Forest said, looking to his left, “Does Paully want a cracker? I’m not sure, Mickey, let me ask him!”

Forest looked up at the standing Paul, and held out his hand, only, there was nothing in it...

“Want a cracker, Paul?” Forest childishly giggled.

“Um... nah, I’m good, thanks...” Paul muttered.

“How about one of Strawberry Shortcake’s sweetcakes?” Forest then inquired, holding out the invisible cupcake. “At least sit down and join our tea party before Mr. Rumpletumskins gets here, silly willy!”

Paul was starting to wonder if Forest was mentally ill.

“Oh really?” Forest repeated, eyeing the thin air before him. “You’re so funny, Goofy! What? Oh, I’m not sure about that. No, not really.”

Then, Forest turned his head to look at Paul. “Goofy says he thinks you’re attractive. Goofy thinks I should have sex with you, but, Mickey kind of thinks we’re like KIDDY PORN, because Mickey thinks I am too YOUNG and too much of a CHILD for you, making us paired together WRONG and like KIDDY PORN.”

Paul frowned. “Forest, you are not a fucking kid. You are nearly twenty fucking eight now.”

Forest stood, and performed a happy frog man jump. “Really? Jeez, and I thought I was twelve! Yay, I’m all grown up, so that means you can screw me on my father’s dojo floor now!”

“NOW you’re talkin’,” Paul said, his eyes devouring adult Forest’s adult form.

“Oh, ADULT pr0n!” clapped the invisible Donald Duck.

*****

Continued from Conversation #1...

“I’m seme!” argued Hwoarang, the debate becoming more versatile the way they actually are. Or not.

“No, I’m seme!” Jin snapped back in retort.

“I’M seme!” Hwoarang seethed, slamming his fist down onto the arm of the navy blue couch.

Jin got up, and broke a few things.

“I’M SEME!”

“I’M SEME!”

*****

Kazuya observed Lee Chaolan, who was training in the snow. It rained down upon his form in crystallized diamonds, shining Chaolan’s outer elegance as if, Lee were, December...

Chaolan was justly edacious, though inwardly, Kazuya wished for a dark, surfacing counter-action of his own, inner conflagration to enclose the Silver Devil, before it frenzied upon his form. Lee’s bodily self was stunning, and had no excess avoirdupois.

Kazuya could conquer this for himself.

Lee was a pestilence to Kazuya, yet a superfluous influence whom was subject to colloquy, that almost forced the sturdy Japanese into secular parallax; making him want to vituperate and release an inner desire to be pugnacious. Lee emanated a harsh cacophony from his general self, his effulgence intoxicating, and Lee was so... perspicacious, that Kazuya just wanted to force him to vassalage his being. This was veracity.

But... this fic was turning-out some definite tautology, and thus, needed to cease...

*****

Hwoarang was making his bazillionth appearance in a fic that started off with him in a bar.

He walked into the bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. Then he had another. Two beers, and he was drunk as a dog. Damn, that had to be world-record for low-tolerance concerning someone who was his age and height.

Hwoarang’s head turned, and there was Jin Kazama, who was walking into the bar... Jin was such a bar-hop that Hwoarang should have seen it coming way earlier.

Without acknowledging Hwoarang, Jin sat down on one of the bar’s many stools. He ordered a bottle of liquor and quickly drank it all, without getting alcohol poisoning. It was a mystery, indeed...

When the moment was right, Hwoarang rose from his seat, and drunkenly stumbled over to where Jin was.

“I’m gonna kick yer ass, Kazama!” Hwoarang slurred.

Jin turned around. “Oh, it’s you. What do you want?”

“To kick yer ass,” Hwoarang repeated once again.

“I don’t want to fight you,” Jin remarked with a sigh of drunken frustration, “But if you want to go back with me to my place and talk this out, you may.”

“Fine!” Hwoarang agreed, sounding just as drunk as he was, “I’ll just kick yer ass there!”

Jin and Hwoarang left the bar, and drunkenly walked to Jin’s mysterious apartment-like thingy place that was strangely right next to the bar.

When they got to the place, Jin opened his front door, and stepped inside, followed by Hwoarang.

Hwoarang blinked, when he saw a navy blue couch against every wall.

And they all had signs on them that said “Fuck on me!”

It was Heaven.

When Hwoarang sat down on one of three identical navy blue couches, Jin joined him, holding a bottle of liquor. Jin began chugging, of course. Then, he passed the bottle to Hwoarang, who chugged some as well.

Then, Jin and Hwoarang looked at each other.

“Let’s fuck,” they said in unison. Then they began to drunkenly make-out with one another.

After they had drunkenly kissed a whole lot and had drunkenly stripped off their clothes, Jin drunkenly fucked Hwoarang into that navy blue couch and vise-versa until that navy blue couch broke.

“YAY, I got fucked on!” the navy blue couch exclaimed.

Oh that devious little navy blue couch...

*****

Sergei Dragunov eyed Jin Kazama with a dark expression, which Jin returned. However, Jin’s lacked the smirk contained in Dragunov’s own.

Let the show begin.

//Brother Pele's in the back, sweet Zina's in the front//
//Cruisin' down the freeway in the hot, hot sun//
//Suddenly red-blue lights flash us from behind//
//Loud voice booming, "Please step out onto the line"//

Dragunov had taken Hwoarang captive to lure Jin Kazama to his hidden fortress...

Jin glared at the Russian. “You’re going to pay for this. Now, where.. is he?”

Dragunov smirked once more, seemingly amused. “I’ll tell you, but first, you have to do something for me...”

“I’ll kill you first.”

Sergei shook his head, acting as if he knew Jin wouldn’t follow through with his previous threat. “No you won’t. I’m the only one who knows where Hwoarang is, so if you kill me, he will die as well.”

“What the hell do you want?” Jin sneered, appearing as angered as he could possibly be.

Dragunov smiled evilly. “I want your body.”

//Pele preaches words of comfort, Zina just hides her eyes//
//Policeman taps his shades, "Is that a Chevy '69?"//
//How bizarre//
//How bizarre, how bizarre//
//Destination unknown, as we pull in for some gas//
//Freshly pasted poster reveals a smile from the past//

“Excuse me?” Jin asked in remark, unable to mask the slight hint of bewilderment contained within his voice. “What is that supposed to mean?”

The older man began to approach Jin Kazama through the surrounding darkness, a blank expression on his face the whole while. Dragunov stopped before Jin, and looked up at him.

“It means I am going turn you into my whore, and only when I am satisfied will you get your precious Hwoarang back.”

“You bastard,” Jin seethed, wanting to kill the man before him more than ever; wanting to backhand him, or choke him to death. Or worse.

Dragunov relished in the expression on Jin’s face, knowing that now, he would without a doubt be able to bring down ‘the mighty Kazama Jin’, who suddenly, didn’t seem so ‘high and mighty’ any longer...

//We're making moves and starting grooves before they knew we were gone//
//Jumped into the Chevy and headed for big lights//
//Wanna know the rest? Hey, buy the rights...//
//How bizarre//
//How bizarre, how bizarre//

Jin was looking at Sergei angrily, but then, broke the mood completely.

“...What the hell is with this fic?” Jin inquired, seemingly disappointed, “I know it’s a songfic, but the song itself and its lyrics don’t even go with this fic at ALL!”

Dragunov sighed, and nodded in agreement. “And the general plot was looking somewhat promising otherwise... damn...”

“How bizarre, how bizarre...” Jin muttered with sarcasm, “Hey, wanna go grab a drink?”

Dragunov shrugged. “Sure, why not?”

How bizarre, how bizarre.

*****

Lei Wulong opened the front door of his hotel room, and walked inside. Little did he know that someone else would be here...

But, since Lei was a head detective with decades of hands-on experience, there’s no WAY he’d notice the fact that the lights were now off when he had left them on, the fact that the screen door lining his third-story porch was now cracked open when it had been shut, or the fact that there was a half-finished cigarette in the ashtray when Lei didn’t smoke.

Damn, Lei Wulong sure was stupid. He was an idiot, the biggest, most stupid idiot in the entire Tekken world. He was probably only a star detective on the Hong Kong International Police force because he had great hair.

After locking the door, Lei flicked on the lights, turned, and headed for the closet...

While pondering the wacko melodrama that was his life, Lei turned the doorknob to the strangely Americanized closet and opened it, and the person who was hiding inside handed Lei a fancy silky robe.

“Oh, thanks,” Lei replied.

“You’re welcome.”

Lei shut the door, and proceeded to change.

But, wait a minute...

Lei gasped.

“I have tangle in my hair!”

Lei picked up his brush from the nightstand, and combed the knot out, carefully. When this was achieved, he got into bed...

Just then, the closet door busted upon.

Lei’s eyes widened. It was Bryan Fury! How had he been there that long to Lei’s unawareness?

“Poor stupid, stupid little cop...” the brutal man said, stating the brutal truth. Bryan jumped on the bed, and easily pinned Lei down, before he took out some barbed wire and wired Lei’s arms to the bed frame.

Lei had a good idea regarding Fury’s true intentions... Well, nah, no he didn’t. He was too stupid, after all.

“Why are you doing this?” Lei asked like the helpless lil’ uke that he was.

“So I can rape you,” Bryan clarified, laughing as if he were insane. Bryan ripped open Lei’s colourful robe and ripped off Lei’s pants. Lei continued to shout hysterically, but since the hotel seemed to be either completely vacant or was fully of people who could sleep through the screams, it made no difference.

Either that or people thought that Lei was so annoying and stupid and such a cop that they wanted to pretend he wasn’t even THERE, much less in the Tekken universe. He was just a stupid Jackie Chan and Legend of the Drunken Master clone thingy!

Bryan held up a bottle of blood. “This is the blood of my latest victim, from the dead body over there on the floor by the T.V.. His intestines are the ones splattered all over your hotel room, and his heart is lying on your nightstand next to your beloved brush and empty bottle of liquor...”

“...Shit, I can’t believe I missed all that!” Lei whined while Bryan lubed himself up with the fresh blood.

Then, Bryan thrusted into the bound fighter and began to brutally rape him.

“MWAHAHAHA!!!” Bryan yelled in pleasure, “Later, I will rape you in an ALLEY, and then, in an abandoned building!”

Lei cried, and then cried some more, begging for Bryan to stop. Until it started to feel good, of course, then Lei had to beg for more like the dirty, slutty little whore that he was.

Lei bled all over the sheets as he cried out in ecstasy, feeling not used, not violated and not worthless.

Man, he loved being raped!

But who wouldn’t?

*****

Kazuya Mishima and Lee Chaolan were sparring.

Kazuya punched Lee in the chest, and then did a triple-kick.

Lee blocked these viscous attacks, and performed a flip-kick.

Kazuya punched Lee again, before Lee spun around and did a high kick. Kazuya did a low kick, and punched Lee again, before Lee did another high punch and completed a spinning kick quadruple thing, that it be. Then Kazuya did a kick-punch-punch-kick+kick combo thing, and sent Lee flying into a wall. Lee scraped himself up, regained composure, and charged in, doing a kick+kick+kick-kick-kick thingy, before Kazuya uppercutted Lee.

Lee fell to the floor, and Kazuya pounced on him.

And they were so worked up, that was enough of a motive for them to begin making-out with each other for the first time.

Kazuya ripped Lee’s shirt off and unbuttoned Lee’s pants, yanking them down. Then they made-out some more. Kazuya took his own clothes off and threw them aside, before he shoved himself into Lee’s tight opening. It was vice-like, even, gripping around Kazuya’s gigantic, enormous cock.

Kazuya fucked Lee hard as they both moaned, before they both came in perfect unison.

What a hawt sex-scene that had been.

Fuckhead could have written this.

*****

jin n hwoarang were getting redyz 2 have sum sex.

“u r keWl, jin,” sayz hworang.

“yeah u 2,” said jin.

hwoarang layd down on teh bed and spraed his legs, l33kng up at jin. “plz fuck me.”

“okayz,” said jin, “but I thikn the reedrs can tellz dat horble speellng can fuck up the fic win itz dat whorable.”

“relaly?” said Hwoarang, who said said said a lot, “weather deh lyk it or not?”

“yeah,” said Jin, who said said said a lot in dis fic as wellz, “now letz hav sum badsex in it.”

“um k.”

*****

Paul and Forest were currently in some cheap-ass motel.

Paul walked into the teeny tiny room, where Forest was lying on a teeny tiny bed.

“Who loves you, baby?”

“Oh, you do,” Forest answered with a cat-growl.

Paul sat down on the bed, and stroked Forest’s soft, black hair.

“I love you so much,” he said in a loving whisper.

“I love you too, so much,” replied Forest.

Paul stood, and began twirling around. “You’re my little sugar pie sweet dumpling with whipped cream on top, and I love you!”

“And you’re my...” began Forest, who drew a blank momentarily, “My... I love you!”

“I love you more!”

“No, I love YOU more!”

“I love YOU more!”

“No, I love YOU more!”

God, their waffy relationship was so waffully perfect. Nothing EVER went wrong in most fics that were about them.

*****

Lei Wulong looked out the window before him.

It was raining outside, making the setting all the more emo.

The detective heard as Jin Kazama walked up behind him, before Jin placed a single hand on Lei’s shoulder and ran it softly down the side of Lei’s arm.

“I honestly don’t know if or if not I love Hwoarang more than you, but I do know one thing...” Jin whispered, “...And that is that I have loved you longer.”

Lei could feel as the emo, err, temperature began rising rapidly.

“I love you too, Jin...” Lei began, trailing his words, “But we can’t do this, because it’s wrong...”

“No it’s not,” Jin remarked with sincerity, “I may be younger than you are, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about you... Does it change the way you feel about me?”

Lei turned, a fresh tear streaming down his face which just not could be contained. “You know it doesn’t...”

And then, they began to kiss passionately.

After taking off all of their clothes, they made their ways to the king-sized bed that was outlined with French vanilla ice-cream and hot bowls of emo soup. Jin and Lei got onto the bed, before Jin got ready to get into Lei.

Of course, Jin made sure to use plenty of lube. The whole bottle, pretty much. Then he prepared Lei, who emitted soft moans of pleasure, and pain – the pain he felt in his heart...

Lei had loved Jun so much, but maybe...

Jun Kazama was probably watching from the heavens above, or maybe her spirit was here, right now, watching Lei doing these horrible, dishonuorable things with her son...

Lei cried some more, feeling terrible and guilty.

As Jin readied himself to enter Lei, he looked down at him. Wiping the tears from Lei’s face, he whispered, “We both know we can never do this again, and must forget about it after this night, but always remember that I will love you, forever, Lei Wulong...”

Oh the mo.

Emo tears of his love for Lei mixed with his hatred for his own self began to stream down Jin’s face as he and Lei began to make love, their sex so vanilla and so... boring that it was barely readable, weren’t it for the insane amount of passion. As Jin slowly took Lei, “Nice n’ Slow” by Usher began to play in the background.

“I love you, Jin...” Lei said following a gasp, before he and Jin began frenching their vanilla once again. “...But can’t you go any faster than that?”

Record scratch.

“No,” Jin whispered in retort, “I won’t risk hurting you, because I love you too much, and our sex has to be all slow and all romantic because we’re a love/love pairing.”

Lei stopped crying, and sighed, knowing that if he were the one screwing Jin, he... probably would have said differently, only the sex would have been even MORE boring than it already was...

And, Jin was kinda thinking the same thing... and least Hwoarang was willing to fight for the lead and willing to make things more interesting, but Lei just... lay there... like he was playing dead... or was dead...

For some reason, their sex scenes just... weren’t interesting... they never included things like various positions, kink, rim-jobs or even blow-jobs. But, Jin and Lei didn’t have sex to have fun or to feel good, oh no, they ONLY had sex to express their unrequited love for one another that would lead them to nothing but an emo world of angsty suffering for the love that just ‘wasn’t meant to be’...

“Oh yes, that, uh, feels really good...” Lei lied.

Jin frowned, starting to push a little towards strawberry.

Time to go back to Bryan... Lei mentally thought.

Time to go back to Hwoarang... Jin mentally thought.

No WONDER most Jinei fics ended the way they did; in some sad, angsty emo way...

Chocolate tasted better than vanilla to most people, anyway.

*****

“Have sex with me, Jin!” Hwoarang whined, running circles around Jin Kazama.

Jin, who was sitting at his CEO office desk, appeared more than annoyed.

“I love you Jin!” Hwoarang said, tears beginning to stream down his face, “I want to be your whimpering little uke, and you my badarse big seme!”

“Hwoarang, fuck off, I’m fucking busy,” Jin demanded, trying to concentrate on his work, “You fucking little slut.”

“Yes! Yes!” Hwoarang cheered, “I am your fu, er, freaking little SLUT! Rape me, Jin! Rape me and then I’ll STILL love you!”

“Goddamnit...” Jin muttered, figuring Hwoarang probably wouldn’t leave him alone until Jin took the Korean’s virginity. “Alright, my kitten.”

Sex kitten, that is.

“But it’s going to hurt a LOT when I take your virginity, Hwoarang,” Jin stated, forcefully bending Hwoarang over the desk before ripping the man’s denim pants off, “That tight hole of yours is going to bleed when I take your virginity with my huge cockage.”

Jin then picked up a liquor bottle, and began chugging some everclear raw.

“Take my virginity, please...” Hwoarang begged, tears flowing down his face that symbolized his love for the man behind his hind.

This fic was pretty fucked-up, though. More so than Hwoarang in it. Hwoarang had cussed, canonically, in the game, and the idea of him being a whimpering lil’ ukey virgin was just... ???. But, you know how those street hustlers are. Ukey lil’ virgins, all of them. They probably don’t even know what sex is, much less cuss at all or know anything about drugs, alcohol, or cigarettes. That’s right, in this fic, Jin was acting like an alcoholic, while Hwoarang had never touched a drop in his life. It also seemed like Jin had fucked a lot of guys, while Hwoarang had never even slept with a girl or guy EVER.

But, Hwoarang’s probably never had sex, while Jin was probably fucking his teachers in back Jr. high school. Hwoarang had also probably never had alcohol, and Jin was a Japanese businessman now, so he must secretly wear a hip-flask.

Suddenly, Jin shoved himself into Hwoarang and took his virginity!

Hwoarang cried, cried, and cried.

“I-I love y-you Jin!”

“Stop saying that, bitch,” Jin grunted, beginning to fuck Hwoarang all the more forcefully. “You have a tight ass, and I’m going to fuck it until it bleeds like a bitch that YOU are.”

Looks like Fuckhead had written ANOTHER fic.

*****

“You’ve been having an affair with Lei Wulong!” Hwoarang yelled, raging around the dimmed bedroom.

“No I haven’t!” Jin argued. Was he telling the truth, though? The world may never know coming from THIS fic...

Jin pointed to a bicycle in the corner. It had three wheels on it. Jin was the first, Hwoarang the second, and Lei the third. According to the all the signs, at least. Occasionally Steve Fox would become that third wheel, though.

“Don’t you tell me I’ve been cheating!” Jin argued once more, “Maybe YOU’VE been sleeping with Lei!”

Hwoarang appeared disgusted. “I have NOT, just look at the fucking bike, Jin! Lei Wulong HAS no purpose in this Hwoajin fic except to be annoying and make us paranoid about each other, hence making Lei Wulong extremely unlikable in this fic! Reading about Lei in a fic like this makes the readers want to tear Lei’s fucking head off and put it on a fucking staff!”

Jin paused, but then, yeah. “Well, that’s true. What I don’t get is why Lei always has to be such an ass in fics like this, because it’s OOC! Lei has more important job-related things to do than try to fuck-up our relationship when it has no real impact on his life! Sure, he may not like our relationship, but he’s not going to go out of his way to destroy it while acting like an ass, either! Lei’s not some ‘mean ass’!”

Lei then walked into the room, wearing a jackass costume.

In the literal jackass costume, Lei pointed at Jin. “Yhee-haw. Jin, you better stay away from that punk before I go out of my way to ruin your relationship! Yhee-haw.”

Jin and Hwoarang looked at each other, sighed, and went over to the fic’s bike so they could remove the third wheel.

The second they removed the wheel, Lei took his jackass costume off and threw it into the trash, before throwing a lit match into the pale.

“Guys, I’m sorry about how I acted earlier in this fic,” Lei apologized, “But the author forced me to wear that ass costume so I would appear to be an ass. And, seriously, why would I WANT to get involved in your personal relationship IF it bothers me as much as it usually does in these fics? I’d probably get uncomfortable and try to keep my distance...”

Hwoarang shrugged. “Well, guess we can have one of those angsty threesomes where Jin and me turn you into a Chinese finger-trap and play you like a Chinese checkerboard.”

“...Alright,” Lei agreed, “But first, let me go have a zillion drinks so I can pretend I forgot all about the encounter the following day. I’m good at chocking my one-nightstands up to the boozes in the fics.”

*****

“YIKES!” Hwoarang exclaimed when Jin transformed into Devil Jin right before his widened eyes.

“I am going to rape you now,” Devil Jin evilly insisted, “Because when I am in this form, I am ten times more likely to rape you.”

Oh, kewl!

Maybe Devil Jin had raped Hwoarang while he was out during their T5 match without Hwoarang’s knowing, even! Maybe...

“I’m gonna defeat you, paranormal Jin!” exclaimed Hwoarang as he charged-in upon the demon, completely unaware of the fact that he would get raped by Devil Jin even though Devil Jin had made it so obvious.

Devil Jin and Hwoarang fought some, before Devil Jin won, and threw Hwoarang to the ground. Then, Devil Jin got on top of Hwoarang’s body, and began shredding off the redhead’s clothes.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Hwoarang loudly inquired, still delirious to the fact that he was about to get raped. “Didn’t like my clothes so you decided to tailor them, huh?! Is that a challenge?!”

“I am going to rape you!” Devil Jin repeated, tearing off Hwoarang’s dark pants.

“You tryin’ to outdo me, HUH?” Hwoarang argued, STILL delirious. “I don’t like being outdone!”

Devil Jin got out his hard member, and shoved it into Hwoarang’s tight opening.

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Hwoarang asked as Jin raped him.

“I am raping you!” cackled Jin’s demon form.

“You’re WHAT?!”

“I’m having an intercourse with you that is non-consensual!”

Oh.

Hwoarang began fighting Jin to no avail, but hey, since the sex was still so good and still so hot it really didn’t matter.

That much was true

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